The Shadow Knows

Terrie and I have been learning about how the shadow appears in our relationship and how to deal with it (or try, anyway). We had our first really “stormy” encounter recently (after seven months together). I ended up storming out of the house, because I didn’t want to face my shadow. This is a pattern of mine from the past: rather than deal with my negative feelings, I choose to run away.

I returned within minutes to find Terrie on the couch. I walked over, sat next to her and hugged her for a long time without speaking. Fortunately, I had been practicing this lately–that is, simply being with Terrie and staying silent. Like many men, I have a tendency to talk too much, especially when I’m sure I can solve the “problem” with my words of wisdom.

Eventually, we began to process the whole event by talking it out. We learned (not surprisingly) that a rather mundane set of incidents had turned into an emotional encounter because we had brought our baggage from the past into play–mostly unconsciously (at the time). Our commitment to processing our “stuff” as quickly as possible brings the shadow baggage into the light, where it can be transmuted into acceptance, greater understanding and more intimacy.